HE'S GOT A PAIR OF BIG BRASS Blongterm relationships

On November 4, 2008 you are going to choose between two pairs of gonads for president. You may base your decision on "the issues": perhaps one pair of testes has a better health care plan, one pair is stronger on foreign policy, one sack is a maverick, and the other scrotum promises change. But if you are among the 13% of Americans who still qualify as "undecided", you may be interested to know what other effects these nuts have on your judgment.

It is well documented that testosterone affects many visible characteristics in human males; in puberty and early adulthood, very high levels of the hormone create the "firm chiseled jaw line" typical of action movie alpha males and super-sculpted gay porn stars alike.

Studies show that women tend to favor men displaying such characteristics for brief sexual encounters and one night stands, but often select for conversely "feminine features" when looking for a lasting relationship (see link).

In evolutionary terms, this makes sense. If you are going to take a chance on getting someone else's genes injected into your body, and have no time to really get to know them (a one night stand), you'll go for the healthiest looking/most confident guy in the room. If, however, you are looking to start a family, you will favor someone with less testosterone -- someone who is less likely to cheat on you, who engages in less aggressive/violent behavior, and who, on average, is more likely to have honed important problem solving/social skills in the absence of brute strength.

To add to the hormonal chaos, this preference can be exaggerated if the woman is on birth control. One study found that women on birth control who were drawn to "hyper-masculine" men while on the pill, later found themselves unhappy in their relationships when they stopped the drug in an effort to have a baby.

Check it out: Russell Crowe from 2003, what a man!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2677697.stm

So what's it going to be this election season? Are you feeling vulnerable and looking for a strong-man who can protect you and then give you the night of your life? Or are you wary from a painful past relationship and looking for someone who won't screw you over a second time?

...Or perhaps you aren't satisfied with either candidate? In that case, maybe you should just grow a pair and run yourself.